FEAR is one of the most basic, instinctive, driving human emotions. From infancy to childhood to teenage to adulthood to old age, we have always been scared of some things- ghosts, scoldings, insults, bankruptcy, loneliness, parents, boss, of upsetting our loved ones, of taking initiatives, … of death! Weeping is one of the most basic physical expressions of fear.
As babies, we didn’t know we could manipulate and alter the mode of fear’s expression and could mask fear with anger, so we used to cry to express it. But as we grew up, we were taught that fear was a bad thing and that expressing fear was even worse. It meant we were weak and that this world had no place for the weak.
Sharing our fears and phobias with others makes us feel far more vulnerable than fear itself. So we avoid fear or at least try not to let anyone know we have it. However, we don’t always get to escape. Sometimes your fear catches you and there is no place for you to run and hide in.
Most of the times our fears are random thoughts like the one I am having right now- what conclusions will everyone make out of this text after reading it. So to overcome that I am going to write down some of my past and present fears that most of you can relate to as well.
This text is not an enlightening or a heart touching story. It is the truth- my truth, my fear, maybe yours...
As a preschooler, I was afraid of ghosts while sleeping. I believed that if I took my head out of the blanket, they would eat me raw. I would act asleep so that they wouldn’t know I knew of their presence. My heart would beat fast and my brain would never seize to fantasize anything horrible possible. In spite of all that I would just peak out and check if everything was okay just to comfort myself. Yeah, it is as stupid as it sounds.
Till my 8th standard, I was a loner kid. I was always thought of as an outsider by my classmates- the price you have to pay for your sincerity. Be sincere but never such a bookworm that your class becomes your enemy.
During class 8th, I made a couple of friends and I was so afraid of losing them that ironically I would fight with them daily. I always doubted that they were definitely plotting against me, not that I am a psychopath but I was afraid of being deceived by them and being left alone again. I just didn’t know there was nothing to deceive. I would justify it telling myself that it is what happens when you are learning to socialize. Well, the bonus was that some of them eventually became a huge part of life.
That fear and all those new experiences made me crave attention (which we all do) and it was so new to me at that time. Before that, I had never given a damn about getting acknowledged by my friends. The sudden presence of someone in my solitary life ignited so many thoughts in my little brain daily that to confide in someone became my urgent need. But due to the trust issues I mentioned before, the only person trustworthy was me, so it gave me a habit of talking to myself. I used to sit on the window and talk to myself. Everything that had seemed stupidity to me till then suddenly became the highlights of the class which I was not a part of but desperately wanted to be. I was always the last one to know- sometimes months later. And maybe this was what led to the habit of self-talk. I am not blaming anyone. I am just remembering how silly and fearful I was.
I was a big ‘Fattu’ in childhood. I believed that one of my friends could control ghosts and demons and that there lived a ghost behind my school. I would ask him every day before entering classroom,
“bro, bhoot to nahi hai na”
and he would close his eyes, frown at the devil while murmuring his mantras for 2 seconds, and then tell me,
“sab sahi hai”.
Remember waking up Mom to take us to the washroom at night?
As we grow up our fears change. I am not scared of ghosts anymore but it does not mean I will go to BHANGARH alone at night.
I am going to share my present fear with you all. It is one of the most difficult tasks to do after all our conditioning of keeping our fears to ourselves. I admit here that what I fear right now is FAILURE of any kind. I have failed enough and there is a huge pressure of getting successful. Now I know I can’t afford to lose anymore be it just about the small, trivial, petty moments. I have no idea what it does. Maybe it is the obstacle or the thurst that can push me to be better.
This is not a plea to free me from my own fear chains, this is just what I felt and decided to share with you the truth about fear and tell you it’s okay to embrace it and strengthen from it instead of preaching you to suppress it which is itself a fear of being your genuine self in this hypocritic world.
Goodbye for now with a promise of being regular...
As babies, we didn’t know we could manipulate and alter the mode of fear’s expression and could mask fear with anger, so we used to cry to express it. But as we grew up, we were taught that fear was a bad thing and that expressing fear was even worse. It meant we were weak and that this world had no place for the weak.
Sharing our fears and phobias with others makes us feel far more vulnerable than fear itself. So we avoid fear or at least try not to let anyone know we have it. However, we don’t always get to escape. Sometimes your fear catches you and there is no place for you to run and hide in.
Most of the times our fears are random thoughts like the one I am having right now- what conclusions will everyone make out of this text after reading it. So to overcome that I am going to write down some of my past and present fears that most of you can relate to as well.
This text is not an enlightening or a heart touching story. It is the truth- my truth, my fear, maybe yours...
As a preschooler, I was afraid of ghosts while sleeping. I believed that if I took my head out of the blanket, they would eat me raw. I would act asleep so that they wouldn’t know I knew of their presence. My heart would beat fast and my brain would never seize to fantasize anything horrible possible. In spite of all that I would just peak out and check if everything was okay just to comfort myself. Yeah, it is as stupid as it sounds.
Till my 8th standard, I was a loner kid. I was always thought of as an outsider by my classmates- the price you have to pay for your sincerity. Be sincere but never such a bookworm that your class becomes your enemy.
During class 8th, I made a couple of friends and I was so afraid of losing them that ironically I would fight with them daily. I always doubted that they were definitely plotting against me, not that I am a psychopath but I was afraid of being deceived by them and being left alone again. I just didn’t know there was nothing to deceive. I would justify it telling myself that it is what happens when you are learning to socialize. Well, the bonus was that some of them eventually became a huge part of life.
That fear and all those new experiences made me crave attention (which we all do) and it was so new to me at that time. Before that, I had never given a damn about getting acknowledged by my friends. The sudden presence of someone in my solitary life ignited so many thoughts in my little brain daily that to confide in someone became my urgent need. But due to the trust issues I mentioned before, the only person trustworthy was me, so it gave me a habit of talking to myself. I used to sit on the window and talk to myself. Everything that had seemed stupidity to me till then suddenly became the highlights of the class which I was not a part of but desperately wanted to be. I was always the last one to know- sometimes months later. And maybe this was what led to the habit of self-talk. I am not blaming anyone. I am just remembering how silly and fearful I was.
I was a big ‘Fattu’ in childhood. I believed that one of my friends could control ghosts and demons and that there lived a ghost behind my school. I would ask him every day before entering classroom,
“bro, bhoot to nahi hai na”
and he would close his eyes, frown at the devil while murmuring his mantras for 2 seconds, and then tell me,
“sab sahi hai”.
Remember waking up Mom to take us to the washroom at night?
As we grow up our fears change. I am not scared of ghosts anymore but it does not mean I will go to BHANGARH alone at night.
I am going to share my present fear with you all. It is one of the most difficult tasks to do after all our conditioning of keeping our fears to ourselves. I admit here that what I fear right now is FAILURE of any kind. I have failed enough and there is a huge pressure of getting successful. Now I know I can’t afford to lose anymore be it just about the small, trivial, petty moments. I have no idea what it does. Maybe it is the obstacle or the thurst that can push me to be better.
This is not a plea to free me from my own fear chains, this is just what I felt and decided to share with you the truth about fear and tell you it’s okay to embrace it and strengthen from it instead of preaching you to suppress it which is itself a fear of being your genuine self in this hypocritic world.
Goodbye for now with a promise of being regular...
Hi
ReplyDeleteWho is this
ReplyDeleteAmazing ❤️
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot..
DeleteThanks a lot guys..
DeleteNeed great Courage to express all this, that was awesome
ReplyDeleteWith your support, the courage will only grow. Keep supporting us.. :)
DeleteAcha ha👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍
ReplyDeletePhali bar koi bolg pura pdha h...! Or padh kr aacha laga. Really good work
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